高中英语 求作文评改 谢谢!

My name is Lihua. Recently I’ve learned that a summer camp is going to be held in Singapore by a national middle school organization. On hearing the news, I feel excited and am eager to have a try.
As for myself, I am an outgoing person who loves to take part in lots of activities. Constantly, I hang out with my friends to enjoy ourselves. At school, I am active in every class. As a result, I always get good grades in exams. When it comes to my English, I am good at oral English, but still have a lot of work to do. In my opinion, students should seize every chance to grow experience. So, I would like to take part in the summer camp to introduce our country and also learn from other activities.
I hope that you can approve that plan so I could gain more experience. Hoping to get your reply!
书面表达
假定你是李华,从互联网上得知一个国际中学生组织将在新加坡((Singapore)举办夏
令营,欢迎各国学生参加。请写一封电子邮件申请参加。
内容主要包括:
I.自我介绍(包括英语能力);
2.参加意图(介绍中国、了解其他国家);
3.希望获准.
注意:
1.词数100左右:
2.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯;
3.邮件开头和结尾已为你写好。

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高三生,以做一篇短文改错的方式来看你的作文的……几个建议
⒈【On hearing the news】, I feel excited…
如果要用非谓语的话,On要去掉,hear与I构成主动关系用ing可以,feel应该用过去式felt
⒉【As a result】, I always get good grades in exams.
As a result(有一种不好的事情造成不好的结果的感觉)如果可以换成别的词语吧,如Therefore
⒊I would like to take part in the summer camp to 【introduce our country】 and also learn from other activities.
把our改成my更合理些
learn from…表示“从活动中获得学习”可以,如果只表达知道其他活动,from需去掉
⒋I hope that you can 【approve that plan】 so I could…
that改this或者my会好些
so后面加个that构成目的状语从句好些,

你的文章亮点不少,不过还是要注意时态语态等细节错误的,因为高考错误的太多也得不了高分,总之一句话“少失分 多争分”。个人见解啦,仅供参考。
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