英语高手帮帮忙！急用这篇自我介绍，哪位高手帮忙看看有没有语法错误啊 美化一下更好！有重谢！3Q

Question

Good morning. It is a great pleasure for me to introduce myself to you here. I hope i can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed. Now i will introduce myself briefly . My name is xiao liangliang ,I am twenty-five years old. I am a local person. I am graduating from Liaoning University this June. Majoring in environmental science. And now，I am trying my best for obtaining a key to tianjin University.
I am a straightforward person. In my spare time, I like reading books and playing basketball. I am a diligent student,and In my college, I actively take part in all kinds of useful activities and get scholarships for many times. if I am given a chance for advanced studies in this famous University, I will stare to effort to master a good command of advance my capability. If possible, I will go on with my study for doctorate degree.that is all.thank you!

Answer 1

Good morning. It is a great pleasure(pleasure不可数，可当形容词用，改为It is pleasure 或者honour) for me to introduce myself to you here. I hope I can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed. Now I will introduce myself briefly . My name is Xiao Liangliang,twenty-five years old.I graduated from Liaoning University this June and majored in environmental science. Now，I am trying my best for obtaining a key to tianjin University. I am a straightforward person and a diligent student. In my spare time, I love reading books and playing basketball. What's more, I have taken part in all kinds of useful activities and gotten the scholarships for many times .If I am given a chance for advanced studies in this famous university, I will stare to effort to master a good command of advance my capability. If possible, I will go on with my study for doctorate degree.Tthat is all.Thank you!

Answer 2

早上好。 在这里对你介绍我自已我感到十分荣幸。 我希望我今天能有好的表现。 我有信心觉得我能成功。 现在 i我将会简短的介绍我自己。 我的名字是 xiao liangliang, 我二十五岁。 我是一个地方性的人。 我这六月正在毕业与辽宁大学。 主修环境科学。 而且现在，我正在为进我最大的努力进入天津大学。
我是一个正直的人。 在我的剩余时间内，我喜欢看书还有打篮球。 我是一位勤勉的学生，而且在我的学院中，我积极地为许多次参加各种的有用活动并且得到奖学金。 如果我在这所出名的大学中为进一步的研究有了一个机会,我将会注视到努力进步让你看到我的能力。 如果可能的,我将会因为博士学位继续我的研究，那是我想说的一切，十分感谢

Answer 3

Good morning. This is my pleasure to introduce myself to you. I hope I can make a good performance today. I'm confident that I can succeed. Now I will introduce myself briefly. Born in __, Xiao Liangliang, a twenty-five-year-old man, graduated from Liaoning University this June and my major is environmental science. Now，I am trying my best to obtaining a key to Tianjin University.
I am a straightforward person and when I have free time, I like to read books and play basketball. I am a diligent student in my college; I take part in all kinds of useful activities actively and get scholarships for many times. So my friends thought I can spend my time properly. If I am given a chance for advanced studies in this famous University, I will stare to effort to master a good command of advance my capability. If possible, I will go on with my study for doctorate degree that is my ideal. That is all. Thank you!
我是个留学生，我写的东西和叙述方法，和你的有很大的差别，也许是我适应了国外的语言环境了吧。我觉得你还是再加一些你在大学时候的事情（如果是面对外教的话），但是，记得千万不要太空，一定要有说服力，最好把你所参加的活动列举一两个，而不是一带而过。外国人很注重实例的。如果是中国人我就不发表意见了

Answer 4

因为是口述
所以不去计较原文的标点符号

I am a local person.
意思不清楚
是不是指当地人
倒不如具体说出城市

and get scholarships for many times.
and I have been granted many scholarships.

stare to effort
意思不清楚
是不是
spare no effort不遗余力

a good command of advance my capability
意思不清楚

容我在此给一点意见
原文语法掌握得不错
但内容则有仍待充实的空间
可以说说为何申请tianjin University
选那个program的原因
日后的抱负
也可以详细介绍那些scholarships
以突显本身的优异本回答被提问者采纳