帮忙评一下分（30）并修改，高中英语作文

Question

假定你是李华，你班同学决定为小明举办生日聚会。请你写信邀请外教Susan参加，要点包括：1.时间：周五晚八点至九点
2，地点：学生俱乐部
3，内容：生日歌，蛋糕，游戏

Hi Susan,
We're throwing a surprise party for Xiaoming' birthday(开头已给出）
I’m writing to invite you to the party.And there is something significant you should know:to The party is be held in Students' Club on Friday.It will start at 8:00 pm and last for about an hour.Besides,it will include singing berthday song,eat cake,as well as playing game.We hope that you will accept our invitation and carry a present if it is convenient for you.
You're welcome to come to the great ball.

Answer 1

1，there are some things which I think important .我觉得用should语气重了。
,2，eating cake，playing games.
3,带礼物这种事情，提出要求怪怪的，不过，也还好吧。
4，ball？会不会不合适啊？
5，结尾要署名哦。
恩，照我的高中记忆，还是不错的文章了，也看老师严不严。23到27分都有可能吧。

Answer 2

1. 首先， 这篇邀请信的结尾部分没有署名。
2. 其次， 你写信是代表全班同学， 因此开头不应该用 “ I'm writing to ... "。
3. ” And there is something significant you should know:to “ 这句话没有必要说。 因为邀请信要写的简单明了， 而且信里肯定要告诉对方地点和时间， 因此这句话在这里有画蛇添足的感觉。
4. ” Besides “ 更像是口语常用词， 或是用在给好友的便签里。

以下是我给这篇邀请信做了些改动:

Hi, Dear Susan,

We're throwing a surprise party for Xiaoming's birthday. (开头已给出）

We'd like to invite you to the party, and we will be very happy to see you. The party is scheduled to hold in Students' Club on Friday. It will be starting by 8:00 p.m. and last for about an hour. There will be game, birthday song, delicious birthday cake, and lots of fun.

We hope you will come here to attend the party and grace the occasion with your presence. we look forward to seeing you.

Sincerely yours,

Li Hua

希望能对你有所帮助。

Answer 3

还行

Answer 4

有没有字数限制的啊？