My hero is a doctor,who save my life when I could have died.In fact,she has saved quite a few

Question

children's lives.At the age of five,I was serious ill and my life was in danger.Myparents were all worried if I could recover from the disease,I was lucky enough to meet Dr.Jack,a great doctor who is always east to talk.He did lots of different tests to find the medicine to cure me.I owe to him that I am still alive.Dr.Jack,he has made a big difference to the lives of others,is respected by many people in our city.改错

Answer 1

My hero is a doctor,who save(改为saved) my life when I could have died.
In fact,she(改为he，根据下文，此医生是男滴。。。) has saved quite a few children's lives.
At the age of five,I was serious(改为seriously) ill and my life was in danger.
My parents were all(改为both,指“两者都”。all指“三者或三者以上都”) worried if I could recover from the disease。
I was lucky enough to meet Dr.Jack,a great doctor， who is always east to talk.
He did lots of different tests to find (加上out，表示“找出”。为了找出救我的药，做了各种测试。find强调结果，指已经发现了的。) the medicine to cure me.
I owe to him that I am still alive.
Dr.Jack,he(改为who) has made a big difference to the lives of others, is respected by many people in our city.

Answer 2

serious ill 改为 seriousLY ill，因为两个形容词在一起，用来做修饰作用的形容词需要改为副词形式。
Myparents were all worried 改为 my parents were BOTH worried，我们通常就只有一个父亲，一个母亲。
find the medicine to cure me 改为 find OUT the medicine to cure me，这一个我也不完全确定，只是在我看来，find out是找出，强调结果；而find是指找，强调动作。而这一句表示，医生最后通过许多测试找到了治病的药，有结果，所以我会选择find out.
is respected by 改为 being respected 这是一个从句，如果用is的话，前面应该直接连接主语 或者一个and。