高中英语老师帮我看看这篇作文能有多少分？

Question

I am li hua. This summer holiday， I study in London. I write this letter in order to do a Volunteer in drawing room. As is often the case, I read Chinese history book and help other people on a daily basis. A case in point is that When my classmates ask me about history, I also tell them. Because help other people let me happy.
And I like drawing too. Nothing is more important than the fact that drawing room invite volunteer that like help other people and like drawing. With the development of times,more and more students like Chinese picture. I come from china, so I feel very happy.
If I do a volunteer, I will tell human beings whom Go to the drawing room About drawing . In my point of view, it would be better if Do a volunteer. I will conclude by saying best wishes to you.

Answer 1

The writing is incoherent, the structure is poor and there are many issues with spelling and grammar. Here is my corrected version, using similar arguments:

My name is Li Hua. This summer holidays, I am studying in London. I am writing this letter to apply for a volunteering position at this art gallery. This is why you should consider hiring me.

Firstly, I often read Chinese history books, so I am quite knowledgeable about Chinese culture and history. To exemplify, when my classmates have a history-related question, they would come to me for an answer.

In addition, I enjoy helping others on a daily basis. This holds especially true for this particular position, considering that there is an ongoing Chinese art exhibition. As someone who comes from China, I would love to teach gallery-goers about art from my own country.

Furthermore, I am passionate about creating art. I believe that nothing is more important than the fact that a volunteer at an art gallery should enjoy creating art of their own.

If you give me this position, I will encourage people to visit the art gallery. In my opinion, if you let me volunteer here, I can make things better. Thank you for your consideration.

追问

你是把我的作文修改成比较好的咯

但是你评论的第1段是什么意思呢？

第1段我有点翻译不出来哦

All right.

How many calls do you think I can got?

points

Do you think there are 15 points?

Answer 2

首先说下卷面确实不大好，勾画太多，其次说下字母o和a傻傻分不清，还有t写的时候要加上勾，要写清楚，不要太多追求字体，把字母写清楚就可以，还有就是长句太多这让人要花时间去理解，一篇作文中两三个长句即可，一般老师不喜欢作文中太多长句显得很多余，然后就是说anywhere是副词前边不要加at之类的介词