求修改演讲稿~~~~~高分~~~！！！！！！~~~~~~~~！！！！！！

Question

Good evening everybody! It's my pleasure to speak here, and I am very glad to share my topic with you. Then today I'd like to talk about something between teenagers and parents.
Nowadays, a large number of teenagers think that parents are not so kind to us as before. But parents usually say that we don’t listen to them. And they always let us stop watching TV or playing computer games that go to study. That makes us have less talking with our parents. It’s not good for our growth.
In other to solve this problem, we should try to talk with our parents in a friendly manner and be patient to our parents. Tell your parents your opinion and try to let them understand us. At the same time, we should also think what our parents think. As a result, the problem between parents and us will be smaller and smaller. Here are some parents and teenagers’ skills in communication.
1、Compliment their advantages.
2、Listen to parents carefully when they talk with you.
3、Try to help parents do some housework.
In fact, the problem between parents and teenagers are all easy to solve. I think we should try to understand our parents better and grow up with our parents!
Hope you all enjoy my speech, thank you!

帮忙看看有没有中文式英语 语法错误 表达不流畅神马的 谢谢了啊

Answer 1

Good evening everybody! It's my pleasure（Honor可能比pleasure更好） to speak here（, and I am very glad to share my topic with you. 重复了，可省）（Then多余，可省） today I'd like to talk about something（something改成 the relationship更确切） between teenagers and parents.
Nowadays, a large number of teenagers think that parents are not so kind to us（us改成them，或者之前添加类似“自己也是teenager”这种意思的句子，不然前面给我的感觉是teenager是你讨论的对象，是个第三人称，后面这个us就不确切了。后文也有这个问题，就不重复说了） as before. But parents usually say that we don’t listen to them. And they always let us stop watching TV or playing computer games that（that应为to） go to study. That makes us have less talking（talking改为communication更好） with our parents. It’s not good for our growth.
In other（other应为order） to solve this problem, we should try to talk with our parents in a friendly manner and be patient to our parents. Tell your parents your opinion and try to let them understand us. At the same time, we should also think what our parents think. As a result（as a result 改为 if you can do all the things above更好）, the problem between parents and us will be smaller and smaller. Here are some parents and teenagers’ skills in communication.（some 后面的部分改为 communication skills in the relationship between parents and teenagers）
1、（加个give） Compliment （加个on，compliment本身是个名词，没有办法直接作用于后面的宾语） their advantages.
2、Listen to parents carefully when they talk with you.
3、Try to help parents do some housework.
In fact, the problem between parents and teenagers are all easy to solve. I think we should try to understand our parents better and grow up with our parents!
Hope you all enjoy my speech, thank you!

大致还是可以的，基本就这些问题。平时读英语文章的时候多注意积累，相信你会做得更好。
托拉斯英语团队为您服务

Answer 2

1.没有人share topic的, 你可以share experience. 或者直接说my topic is .....
参考: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. (比较正式) Thanks for having me here today. I'm___. (首先要向听众介绍自己,名字啊, 身份或来自哪里... 不然谁知道你谁啊~~这也是一种基本的礼貌). As you know, nowadays, a large number of teenagers think that parents are not so kind to us as before. But parents usually say that we don’t listen to them. So, what's going on between the teenagers and parents? (抛出一个问题,可以吸引听众的注意力, 才不会有人听得太无聊而睡著...呵呵, 其实这在英文演讲中很重要的, 像是钓鱼的Hook.) 然后你再接下去把你的topic再丢出来..
2. 通常第一段的内容应包括你的topic,还有你的内容分成几个part,并例举出来,例如first of all,....secondly,......and the last,......
3.再来才是演讲的body的部份, 你可以针对你的内容做细致详尽的描述或介绍,分析.
4.body讲完,你要有一个结论,不然大家听了半天也听不出个名堂来,不是就功亏一篑了吗...
5. 最后就是再次感谢听众听你的演讲,例如: Thank you for your time.诸如此类的...
6.In order to solve this problem 你打错了. 你打成In other to solve this problem.
7. well, 你的内容还是有点weak的感觉, 你自己是听众的话,会被这样的演讲说服吗? 站在这样的角度想, 你应该还可以加些东西,例如实际生活的例子或是新闻报导人所众知的事,来佐证和支持你的论点(或建议),不是会更好吗?
You can make it! Keep going.
Not too bad, by the way~~:)

Answer 3

1.It's my pleasure to speak here 改成 it's my honor to speak here today. 流畅地道一点~ 而且pleasure 和后面的 glad 重复。
2.Then today I'd like to talk about something between teenagers and parents.
(Then today 就可以删掉) I'd like to talk about something between the teenages and their parents.
3. 呃。。后面的，修改就直接写在下面了：
Nowadays,a large number of teenagers think that their parents are not as kind as they were as before.While parents often consider that we always against their will,they don't allow us to watch TV,play computer games and ask us to study,which make us upset and have a fewer word with them.And I think this isn't helpful to our growth.In order to (不是 in other to吧。。)solve this problem,we should try to talk with our parents friendly and patiently.Tell them our thoughts and make ourselves understood.At the same time,put ourselves in their position as possible as we can,for we should know that what they've done is all in the interest of their beloved children.I suppose,with a better way of comunication,we can finally and successfully bridge the gap between us. Here are some suggestion on communication skills.

1.Appreciate their contribution to our family (不太明白这里的意思，赞扬他们的优点？ 咝。。不太好吧，我改成：感激他们对家庭的奉献)
2.when they talk to(根据句意，应该用to) you
3.Try to help parents to(这里要有to) do some housework

all easy 改成 not hare/difficult 比较好）,and I think we should try our best to get this situation all right,and we, as a famliy, could also be just like friends.

......

这里我顺着你的意思吧文章修改了一下，我觉得你是想表达由于父母和子女间的交流沟通有了矛盾，所以造成了一些问题.如果是这样的话，那么第一段对于问题的成因的叙述有些单薄，不是道对不对。。

ok ~~