请大家帮我看看这篇英语作文能有多少分？

Question

My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did you know what i do ?First,i help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,we family went to the aquarium, i saw some interesting seals, octopus, and sea lion. Then,we went to the Animal World ,there are very interesting .I like there. I favorite animal is panda ,because it's very cute. So, on my Winter Holiday, i feel very happy.
请帮我指出错处，并加以改正，告诉我为什么错，谢谢！！
真的非常谢谢大家。
Thanks very much!

Answer 1

My Winter Holiday

On my Winter Holiday,did (改成do) you know what i do(改成I did 或I have done) ? 你是否知道是现在时，我做的事情是过去发生的，用过去时或现在完成时

First,i help my mom did (改成do，help+动词原形) some chores,like did（改成doing, like+sth，比如…) the laundry,took(taking) out the trash ,swept(sweeping） the floor...

Second,we（改成our,我们的，物主代词，we我们，不能直接接名词） family went to the aquarium, I saw some interesting seals, octopus, and sea lion.

Then,we went to the Animal World ,there are （it is， 那里很有趣，there are指有…，不表示那里怎么样） very interesting.I like there （可加very much）.

I （My）favorite animal is panda, because it's very cute.

So(In a word 总之, so 是连词不能单独在句首加逗号使用)on my Winter Holiday, I feel very happy.

Answer 2

My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did you know what i (1)do ?First,i (2)help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,[3]we family went to the aquarium, [4]i saw some interesting seals, octopus, and sea lion. Then,we went to the Animal World ,[5]there are very interesting .I [6]like there. [7]I favorite animal is panda ,because it's very cute. So, on my Winter Holiday, i [8]feel very happy.

[1]do-did
[2]help-helped
[3]we-my
[4]加and
[5]将这句改为the animals there were very interesing.
[6]like-liked
[7]i-my
[8]feel-felt

感觉文章有一个问题就是时态问题。 最好统一为一般过去时。加油！

Answer 3

一般吧，就是有点流水帐而已。

时间不太清楚，是一天内还是一个假期里的事情。
除了描述你帮忙打扫家务，还能不能说说你父母对你的帮忙做家务的看法，是不是觉得你已经长大了。

去水族馆，可以描述一下动物都是什么样子的，和四条腿的动物有什么不同，学到了什么知识。

你说熊猫是你最喜欢的动物，可以描述一下他的样子，还有熊猫也是中国送给外国的礼物，也有外交的作用。

尽量写的细点。不要太笼统。

还有时态要一致！

Answer 4

满100，90左右