第1个回答 2010-09-12
等我一点一点打....
你自己必须善于道歉 如果你对你的孩子说 我对于对你发火 很抱歉 但是..... 跟着“但是”后面的可能会使道歉无效 只剩下一个怀着受伤感觉的人
第2个回答 2010-09-12
If you want to teach your children how to say sorry, you must be good at saying it yourself, especially to your own children. But how you say it can be quite tricky.
If you say to your children “I’m sorry I got angry with you, but …” what follows that “but” can render the apology ineffective: ” I had a bad day” or “your noise was giving me a headache ” leaves the person who has been injured feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in expecting an apology.
如果你想要教会你的孩子如何道歉的话,你必须自己会善于道歉,特别是对你的孩子也要善于道歉。但是如何做到呢,这是确实相当复杂棘手的问题。
如果你对你的孩子说“ 我很抱歉刚才对你发火了,但是...“我今天过得很糟糕”或者“你吵得我头都痛了”,这后面接的“但是”就使得你的道歉没有效果。受到伤害的人他所期待的道歉,应该是对方对自己恶劣行为的道歉。
Another method by which people appear to apologize without actually doing so is to say “I’m sorry you’re upset” ; this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing yourself to get upset by what the other person has done.
Then there is the general, all covering apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that was particularly hurtful or insulting, and which the person who is apologizing should promise never to do again. Saying “I’m useless as a parent” does not commit a person to any specific improvement.
另外一种道歉的方式是:人们说:我很抱歉你难过了。这种方式好像是在道歉,实际上却算不上真正的道歉。这句话感觉就是,你由于别人的行为而使得自己不开心,怎么说自己也有责任和过错。
这里有个普遍的,任何场合都适用的道歉方式,它不需要确定某种特定的行为,不论这种行为是特别的伤感情还是出言不逊。在这种道歉方式里,道歉的人必须承诺以后再也不会这么做了。说什么“我是个没用的家长”并不能答应任何具体的改正。
These pseudo-apologies are used by people who believe saying sorry shows weakness, Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not resort to these pseudo-apologies.
那些认为道歉表示软弱的人都会用这种虚伪的道歉方式,希望教自己的孩子道歉的家长们应该把它看做坚强的象征,因此,不应诉诸于那些虚伪的道歉。
But even when presented with examples of genuine contrition, children still need help to become a ware of the complexities of saying sorry. A three-year-old might need help in understanding that other children feel pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy toy requires an apology. A six-year-old might need reminding that spoiling other children’s expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need to be shown that raiding the biscuit tin without asking permission is acceptable, but that borrowing a parent’s clothes without permission is not.
但是尽管孩子们看到了那些真诚道歉的例子,孩子仍然需要在家长们的帮助下了解到说出道歉的复杂情绪。一个三岁的孩子也许需要帮助才能理解,由于他用重的玩具砸到了玩伴的头上,而使人家感到很痛时,他就需要向这个和他一起玩耍的小朋友道歉。你也需要提醒六岁的小朋友,如果他破坏了其他小朋友的期望的话,是要的道歉的。一个十二岁的小朋友得明白,未经允许从饼干罐里拿饼干是可以接受的,但是未经允许借父母的衣服是不行的。
第3个回答 2010-09-12
1.you must be good at saying it yourself
翻译:你必须善于自己说它
2.【If you say to your children】
【“I’m sorry I got angry with you,】 【but…”,】
【what follows that “but”can make the apology ineffective:】
翻译:【如果你对你的孩子说】
【“ 我“很抱歉刚才对你发火了, 【但是...”,】
【这后面接的“但是”就使得你的道歉没有效果。】
3.leaves the person who has been injured feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in expecting an apology.
翻译:受到伤害的人他所期待的道歉,应该是对方对自己恶劣行为的道歉。
4.【Another method by which people appear to apologize without actually doing so is to say 】
【“I’m sorry you’re upset”】;
【this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing yourself to get upset by what the other person has done.】
翻译:【另外一种道歉的方式是:人们说:】
【我很抱歉你难过了。】
【这种方式好像是在道歉,实际上却算不上真正的道歉。这句话感觉就是,你由于别人的行为而使得自己不开心,怎么说自己也有责任和过错。】
Then there is the general, all-covering apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that is hurtful, and which the person who is apologizing should promise never to do again. Saying “I’m useless as a parent” does not commit a person to any specific improvement.
翻译:【这里有个普遍的,任何场合都适用的道歉方式,它不需要确定某种特定的行为,不论这种行为是特别的伤感情还是出言不逊。在这种道歉方式里,道歉的人必须承诺以后再也不会这么做了。说什么“我是个没用的家长”并不能答应任何具体的改正】
5. Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not take these pseudo-apologies.
翻译:【希望教自己的孩子道歉的家长们应该把它看做坚强的象征,因此,不应诉诸于那些虚伪的道歉。】
But even when presented with examples of real apology, children still need help to become aware of the complexities(复杂性) of saying sorry【但是尽管孩子们看到了那些真诚道歉的例子,孩子仍然需要在家长们的帮助下了解到说出道歉的复杂情绪】 A three-year-old might need help in understanding that other children feel pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy toy requires an apology. A six-year-old might need reminding that spoiling (破坏) other children’s expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need to be shown that destroying the biscuit tin without asking permission is acceptable, but that borrowing a parent’s clothes without permission is not.【一个三岁的孩子也许需要帮助才能理解,由于他用重的玩具砸到了玩伴的头上,而使人家感到很痛时,他就需要向这个和他一起玩耍的小朋友道歉。你也需要提醒六岁的小朋友,如果他破坏了其他小朋友的期望的话,是要的道歉的。一个十二岁的小朋友得明白,未经允许从饼干罐里拿饼干是可以接受的,但是未经允许借父母的衣服是不行的。】