令人喷饭的英语幽默笑话
1、机场工作人员问：Who are you flying with?(你坐哪家航空公司?)我答：Myself。对方大囧，一笑之后补充：Which airline?
An airport staffer asked me "Who are you flying with?" and I said "Myself." He was surprised and then laughed, adding "Which airline?"
原来Who在英语里也可以泛指航空公司等群体或组织。"Who" in English can also refer to a group or an organization such as airlines.
2、一个朋友去纽约问路，管自由女神(the Statue of Liberty)叫The Free Woman!!!
A friend in New York City asked strangers the way to the Statue of Liberty and said "Where is the Free Woman?"!!!
3、在英国，一中国同学去菜场想买母鸡回来炖汤喝，不会说hen，只说要chicken，人家指给他一个大公鸡，他摇摇头，说：I don't want this one, I want his wife.
When I was in Britain, one of my Chinese classmates wanted to make some chicken soup, so he went to the grocery. He said he wanted to buy"chicken," not knowing the word "hen." So when the grocer showed him a rooster, my classmate shook his head and said"I don't want this one, I want his wife!"
4、美国同事问我中午吃了啥?我想说，吃了餐馆打包的东西(应该是doggy bag)话到嘴边变成了dog food。他看着我狂笑三分钟。
When a US colleague asked me what I had for lunch, I said "dog food," which should have been "doggy bag." He laughed wildly.
5、去英国时坐飞机，空姐倒完水之后我说Thanks，空姐说Cheers，于是我就对她举了举杯。空姐当时就惊呆了。再之后从海关到机场大巴司机，一路上都有人跟我说cheers，我就疑惑了啊，我这手里也没杯子啊怎么cheers?!
When I travelled by air in Britain, the stewardess served me some water and I said "Thanks", she said"cheers", then I raised my cup. She looked puzzled. Then out of the plane I found almost all people, from Customs staff to shuttle bus driver, were saying "cheers." Why cheers? I have no glass in hand!
英国人说cheers表示"谢谢，再见"的意思。British use "cheers" as "thank you and good bye!"
6、One real man
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地，严厉地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告，建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
一个真正的男子汉
古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。
然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的.男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。
国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。
陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。词很常用，大家要记得哦。
7、A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
”昨天给你的钱干什么了?“
”我给了一个可怜的老太婆，“他回答说。
”你真是个好孩子，“妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8、ig hands
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.
大手
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
学生：大手。
9、Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿?汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢?汤米：汉堡。
10、A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.
一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么?这样，他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。
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